Laughter is a huge part of what makes us resilient. It gets us through the toughest, darkest days.
My laughter tends to fall in the darkest category of dark humor, and I seem to surround myself with those who also fall in that category ;).
I make inappropriate jokes all the time about being a widow, my massive inheritance of Mustad hooks, Winchester ammunition, Berkely Gulp, and deer mounts.
My aunt and uncle commonly refer to me as “The Fake Bait Heiress”, and I occasionally like to use the hashtag #northwoodswidow. This is usually when talking about having hidden firearms fall on my head while packing boxes (true story – and it has happened more than once. Seriously).
Inappropriate humor is all part of the process. I swear the main reason I have been able to get through some days is because of my extremely dark sense of humor. Yesterday on Facebook I posted this:
My widow jokes either make people spit out their coffee or run away. I prefer to stay friends with the ones who spit out their coffee 😉 . Mwhahahaaaaaaaaaaa
Dark humor is the best humor. It helps us get through the day, and those of us who have gone through traumatic change or loss, or who work in extremely emotionally stressful jobs, need that outlet. We need it to shock us out of our doldrums and make us feel human.
Some people join us in snickering, some people are appalled and run away.
Those who are appalled usually haven’t gone through what we have (not that we want them to…), and we can’t get upset that they don’t get it. We are only responsible for ourselves, and we can’t mute our sense of humor because we fear others’ reactions. That only makes it worse!
Let it out, embrace your “black as night” sense of humor. We just need to keep joking, and keep the friends who are ok with how we grieve and adjust. Write it in an email or a letter if you must. But believe me, don’t squash or sensor it. You’ll be miserable and overly serious. And that’s when the darkness consumes you.
What is your way of coping? Darker than dark? Or a little grey- ish, headed towards a darker grey?